31 March 2007

Carburetor Dung IV

~ What are ‘THESE’ for ~

“What you are about to read are not-affiliated to any car dealers and its industries ~ the writer interests ranging from sneakers to watches, collectors’ toys to DJs, classic cars to the fuel-smells from their carburetors. The writer speaks only for his bitter self”

Boys & girls, have you ever wondered that the car-designers and manufacturers are wasting their brain-juices, time and energy to design vehicles and its devices? All of the vehicle’s functions have their own purposes [But I still don’t agree of ECU’s and air-flow-meters on board].. Anyway, today I am not going to touch that issue ……………………….yet.

As mentioned, all these functions have their own purposes. But when these vehicles reached Brunei shore, the whole damn thing serves A different purpose!

  • The Indicator/Signals

This has no usage for its driver who is driving on Brunei road. They don’t put on the indicators at all when they are making a turn to the left or the right. When they felt like turning or making an entry to a junction. They just slammed the brakes and turn immediately. So, this indicator serves no purpose. For the record, one item delete from the car here.
[By the way, if there is a day when someone bring down a hammer and bashed up all your car indicators, please don’t blame him. You don’t need them anyway...]

  • The Door Windows

These also need to be taken off from the vehicle in Brunei. [Item Two]. They don’t need these; they fix on HUGE window visors that can eventually cover the driver’s head!
And without windows, it’s more convenient for them to put out their whole Fuckin’ arm and look cool while flickin’ their cigarettes ashes away!! And not forgetting the convenience for some parents who let their children to stick-out their heads from the vehicle and be superheroes on the road.

  • The Horn

This is a very straight-forward explanation and has only a few main functions.

- ‘Honk’ to greet/say hello to your friends whom you meet on Brunei road.

- ‘Honk’ to order Thien-Thien chicken rice.

Parked at front, ‘HONK’ and show 2 fingers. Yeap.., that’s 2 packet of Thien Thien chix rice.

  • The Front Car Seats

These units are for the driver to make adjustment to far-far-far backwards and lean far-far-far back till only their finger tip is touching the steering-wheel!!
These seats [item Three] also need to be deleted from the vehicle.
Put a bed in instead!!

  • The Rear Seats

Same-same here [item Four]. All these will be removed to install Ply-wood, Fiberglass, Coil, Cables, Steel and Magnets. What are those you asked? I am not so sure myself. I guessed when you hook up all of these items; it will create BIG-Fuck-LOUD sound for the hearing-impaired driver. Probably this method is cheaper than to buy a hearing-aid device.

  • The Vehicle’s Body

This main structure of the vehicle also can be deleted from the vehicle [Item Five].

Don’t need them anyway, these self-taught-engineers like to change and re-design themselves. From proton changed to Mitsu, from Hyundai to Honda, from Daewoo to Toyota, from Nissan SX to Ferrari and Tata to Hummer. So why need a vehicle body?

  • The Wheels

This 4 round shapes thingy at every corner of the vehicle can also be taken out [Item Six].
Oh… probably they need them to move from the factories to the port. And when reach Brunei shores, need them to ‘climb’ up the trailer and then to the dealer’s showroom.
Once the vehicle has been purchased, these 4 round shapes thingy are no good anymore. Its gonna go to bin in favour of the new BIG-CHROME-24incher with super-super low profile tires.

“Hey, look at my atos with the new 24incher”

Ya ya…… Danny DeVito wearing Shaq O’Neal shoes.

In the coming future, new vehicle that landed here will only have the chassis, engine, gearbox, axle and all its running gear. That’s all.

~DON’T NEED OTHERS anyway !!~

30 March 2007

Carburetor Dung III

~ Buy Now and You’ll ‘PAY’ Later ~

Let me take you for a simple tour of the vehicle market

“What you are about to read are not-affiliated to any car dealers and its industries ~ the writer interests ranging from sneakers to watches, collectors’ toys to DJs, classic cars to the fuel-smells from their carburetors. The writer speaks only for his bitter self”

There are so many new vehicles in the market now. So many choices, so many models, so many versions, so many specs, just so-so-so many. If those manufacturers are given the permissions (probably they do have) to do so, there is a new model ‘popping’ out from these manufacturers at an interval of 3 to 6 months!

Here you decided to buy a new vehicle, surveyed around looking at different brands and models, compare-compare pricing and trying to get a loan for the vehicle of your choice, probably loan approval takes a month or two. Once approved, went to the showroom to drive the-newly-purchased-monthly-payment-for-the-next-seven-years-loan vehicle home.

The next minute you drove out from the showroom, there is a ‘newer-version-same-brand’ vehicle to be launched next week. And the best thing is, the same salesperson trying to sell you another one! So-called the newer version!

“Hey…! I haven’t even paid my first installment yet!!”

Sorry Dude, your vehicle is considered the ole’ model now!!

29 March 2007

Carburetor Dung II

“OLD” car ownership ~ PART II

Say it again?..

~Why go thru all the hassle of owning “old” vehicle while there are loads and loads of new vehicle out there in the market and tons of choices? ~

The ‘Smell’, the ‘Feeling’ and the ‘Essence’ of driving one!

And don’t forget the “simplicity” of them.
No ‘ECU-controller’ and what whatever-electronic-devices

Just to move the seat forward & backward ~ you need some electronic devices to help you?? Come on…..

I imagine just one scenario:
‘Daddy owns a “bullet-proof-and-also-missile-cannot-shoot-in” BMW, and that’s his daily driven vehicle,..

One day, mummy’s car breakdown [cant switch on the headlamps because of the faulty ECU unitsssss…]

Mummy wanna drive daddy’s Bimmer and try to adjust the seat forward so she can have better control of the bullet-proof Bimmer…….

Taaa-Daaa!!!... The seat won’t move at a flick of the switch… heh.

Three Choices ~
One - Either daddy send mummy ( but how ‘bout next, next days as mummy’s car in w/shop?) or
Two – Mummy wear an extended wood attached to the high heels or
Three – Also send the Bimmer to workshop to repair the switch.

Daddy decided to send the Bimmer to the W/shop to repair, for convenient sake ~

Well, here’s what the mechanic reply ~

“Sorry sir, I think you have a faulty ECU and the device is not reading the signal from the switch. So, the ECU cannot send the signal back to the seats, sir”

“You have to replace the ECU and that’ll be $4500 just to move your wife forward & backward” HEH!

27 March 2007

Carburetor Dung

“OLD” car ownership,

I heard you said “old”? Well, there are lots of ways to call them.

Those without any taste will call them old-car, a-very-old-car or some even worst, a-piece-of-junk. Can’t blame them, they are tasteless. They have forgotten without these ‘old’ cars, they wont be driving the new model of ‘Tin-Boxes’ that they are driving now.

On the other hand, those with taste will appreciate these vehicles. And these people will call them, Classic-cars, Retro-cars and the best of all Cool Cars. Why?.... because you seldom see them on the road zooming around or doing supermarket shopping like the Porsche 911,the Merc M-class or whatever-class or the Bimmer-whatever-series.

Park an old 1975 BMW 2002 (ask some Bimmer owners, I bet you a lot of them don’t know what and which model are these) beside a new 7series at a traffic light. Then ask the people inside the two vehicle behind them which vehicle are they looking at? The small miserable oil-spitting-1975 BMW 2002 or the New and super fully-equipped-computerised-missle-launcher 7 series?

Those who said that they are looking at the 1975 Bimmer 2002, I salute you. You got taste!! And for those who said naaa… I am looking at the new missile-launcher 7series.., don’t lie!! Look at yourself in your car cabin rear view mirror and ask yourself which Bimmer are you actually looking at or trying to steal a glimpse of?

Well, that’s a 30-years-gap between these two cars, my friend. In these 30 years, you can even walk to Katmandhu and back!

~ Why go thru all the hassle of owning an “old” vehicle while there are loads and loads of new vehicle out there in the market and tons of choices? (..to be continue.)